I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit! Ten Angry Men.com

I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit!
The Lament of a Disrespected Star Wars Enthusiast

"Don’t let the cool flight suit fool you. I’m not just any X-wing fighter pilot; I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit! You see that silver thing hanging from my belt? You know what that is? That is the weapon of a Jedi Knight. An elegant weapon for a more civilized time... That's right, a lightsaber! Do you know any other X-Wing pilots who are also Jedi knights? No? Then stop asking me if I'm supposed to be Porkins! I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit! (And stop chanting "Stay on target... stay on target" when I’m making my way to the snack bar in the convention hall. It wasn’t funny at Celebration II, it wasn’t funny at the 2004 Jedicon, and it isn’t funny now.)

I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit! Look at my X-wing! Isn’t it Bad-ass? It’s built to scale, just like the one in the movies. And If this Atkins diet thing pays off, some day I’ll actually be able to sit in it!

I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit! Look at my costume! Isn't it bad ass? It's so much better than this loser's costume. I've worn it to every Star Wars Convention, Star Wars movie premiere, and Celebration since 1999! Why? Because I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit! (and, maybe, also because my dream of dressing up as a Stormtrooper was shattered when I found out that Stormtrooper armor kits only go up to size 54 )

I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit! Can't you see how much I love Star Wars? I saw Episode IV sixteen times before my ninth birthday. Luke Skywalker’s my hero! Sure, the Han Solo guys get all the chicks at the conventions, but who wants to dress up as Han Solo? I get to wear this helmet!! Now isn’t that bad ass?

I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit! Leader of the Rebellion, enemy of the Empire! I know every line from every scene of Episode IV, V, and VI, and I know for a fact that Vader never said "The Force is fat in this one," so stop muttering it to your buddies every time I walk by. That's right, 501st Legion, I'm talking to you. So what if you turned down my application for membership, saying you "didn't need any Gammorean guards?" Real funny. Who needs those punks anyway? I'm Luke Skywalker, Goddammit! (And for the last time, I am NOT the Tron guy.")

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