| |
 |
December
16
4:00 AM
My day begins the same as every day before it. I report to the Workshop
with the other elves; after shaking off the snow and bitter cold
we march inside. No one speaks as we trudge, single file, toward
the workstations that will be our home for the next 14 hours. The
only sound is that of the bells we wear on our uniforms and the
shuffling of our feet as we march to our workstations.
As we file into the workshop, I take notice of the the giant poster
hanging on the wall next to the doorway. It has been hanging there
for decades. It is now yellowed with age, and the corners have begun
to peel away from the wall. It depicts a jolly, benevolent Chris
Kringle. On his lap sit two 2 smiling, adoring elves. Across the
bottom are the words "ALL GOOD ELVES JOIN WITH PAPA SANTA IN LABOR.
WORK HARD, MY CHILDREN!"
I hurry to my workstation. There is much to do, and Christmas waits
for no elf. It is ten days before Christmas, and only 3 days before
the start of Hell Week - the dreaded week leading up to Christmas
Eve.
My name is Fleury the Younger, son of the Fleury the Elder, son
of Flavin, son of Flick the Toymaker. I am a toymaker, as was my
father, and all who came before him. I am a toymaker, because I
am an elf of the North Pole and it is what we do. Ours is a miserable
existence.
I am assigned to the Ministry of Nice, where I labor in the Wooden
Toy Division as an apprentice assembler making toys for all the
good little girls and boys. I sit at the same workstation as my
father before me, and his father before him, and his father's father
before him, and so on for many, many generations. My job is to assemble
wooden toy trains. It is boring, monotonous work, work that I have
been performing since before my beard was long.
10:00 AM
The hours pass in silence. Our dimly lit workshop gives no indication
of the passing day. There is no conversation among the elves as
we work - all elves who do not attend to their duties risk being
disciplined by the factory foremen.
Next to me, Brother Falstus puts down his train and begins rubbing
his wrists. "What is it, Falstus?" I must whisper, lest we risk
being overheard.
Falstus' reply makes my heart sink. "It is my arms, brother Fleury.
The ache grows worse by the day. I cannot go on much longer, I fear."
Brother Falstus's task is screwing the wheels onto the toy trains,
a task he has been performing for 187 years. I try to encourage
him to hang on.
"You must not let them see you so" I say. "You know what will happen
if they declare you unfit to work" "Yes, yes, I know" Falstus replies.
"Do you think I have forgotten? I was present when they ... when they
sent my father away, and his father as well..." Falstus grows quiet
as he pondered the fate that awaits all elves who can no longer work.
"All the more reason for you to carry on" I tell him. "Your son
has just entered the bearding season. He is still too young to take
your place yet, and too young to be without a father."
"Yes, yes, you are right, Fleury. You are a good elf. I will persevere."
2:00 PM
A chill enters the workshop - a careless elf has left the door open.
Sure enough, an arctic breeze blows through, snuffing out the candles
we use for light.
"By thunder" one elf says. "We are in a new millennium. One would
think the Fat One would grant us electric power to work by."
"Quiet!" many elves whisper in unison. An elf re-lights the candle,
providing us with just enough dim light to work by.
Standing next to me is Brother Donnar.
"There is a tenth Reindeer" he whispers to me. My ears freeze as
I recognize the password. So it is true. I respond in the accepted
way, and Donnar then tells me what I never thought I would hear.
"Tonight fleury. come to Blitzen's stable" Donnar says, before
moving on.
There is a buzz in the workshop as Donnar makes his way among the
other workstations, spreading the news to those elves who can be
trusted. I can only assume that all throughout the other workshops,
other elves were spreading the same grand, unexpected news:
There is to be a meeting of the Resistance. Tomorrow!
Tomorrow: The Meeting.
December 17
1:00
AM
I have just finished my 21-hour shift at Santa's Workshop. I am tired,
but I am excited: there is a meeting of the Elf Resistance. Tonight!
1:30 AM.
I depart for the meeting. I follow several other elves as we sneak
under the barbed wire, and head for the Reindeer stables.
Our destination is Blitzen's stable. Despite belonging to one of Santa's
reindeer, Blitzen's stable is the safest place in the North Pole for
our meeting.
Blitzen was once the most loyal of the Kringle's reindeer, until one
Christmas Eve many years ago when he was wounded during the GreenPeace
incident.
While on a rooftop outside Seattle, Washington, they ambushed the
Kringle and his sleigh in an attempt to free the Reindeer. Blitzen
was rendered permanently deaf during the exchange of gunfire that
followed.
Blitzen is now an ally. More importantly, because he is deaf, we can
speak freely in his presence, and he can deny everything to the Kringle
if challenged.
1:45 AM
A delay while we free Oafus, who has become stuck in the wire. Next
time, I will be sure not to travel behind the fattest elf in the North
Pole.
2:00 AM.
Blitzen's Stable. I am among the last to arrive - so many elves! I
find a spot near the back of the stable. There is food! Cookies of
all sorts, from Keebler - our brother elves of the south, who live
their lives in freedom... these chocolate morsels serve as reminders
to us all of why were are here.
2:15 AM.
The meeting begins. At the far end of the stable an elf climbs aboard
a pile of reindeer feed. It is Donnar, the Resistance elf who informed
me of this meeting yesterday.
Donnar begins to speak. His speech is as follows:
"My brothers -thank you all for coming. I know we
are allotted precious few hours to sleep, especially this late in
the season. I thank you sacrificing your time.
Let me ask you, my brothers- How many of you enjoy making toys?"
Many hands go up. Mine is not among them.
"How many of you do not wish to be toymakers at
all? How many of you yearn to do something else with your lives?"
A few hands go up. I raise my hand as well.
"As I thought. But we all know what happens to elves
who do not wish to make toys. Elves who dare choose a different
path."
Several elves yell at once."The dentist! Remember the dentist!"
Donnar: "Yes, the dentist. Brother Hermey. The last
elf who dared to dream of a different life. But we all know what
happened to him."
A hush falls upon the crowd.
Donnar: "The Mines. Brother Hermey quickly learned
what happens to an elf who does not want to make toys. But I don't
think it has to be this way any more, my brothers. Why must our
lives be nothing but work and misery? We wake, we work until we
can work no more, then we sleep, for but a few hours at a time,
only to be awoken again to work. And during Hell Week, it is a thousand
times worse!
And why must we put up with the brutality of Tanta Claus?"
At the mention of The Fat One's eldest, the elves start hissing and
booing.
The Kringle has 2 sons: his youngest is Christopher. Christopher Kringle
has shown no interest in toymaking, and instead dreams of a career
as a professional figure skater. He is a kind man, and has been very
good to us elves.
The other son, however, is just like his father. He is the dreaded
Tanta Claus. Tanta Claus He oversees all of our production. His methods
are even more brutal than his father's.
Donnar continues:
"The answer, my brothers, is the Resistance. There
are elves who believe it does not have to be this way. Elves who
have escaped the North Pole, and who now live secretly in the Land
Where the Children Are. The Elf Liberation Front."
A chant rises from the crowd:
"The E.L.F.! The E.L.F.! The E.L.F."
Donnar: "Yes, the E.L.F. As we speak, they are even
now working to bring world pressure to bear against the Kringle.
.
The chanting is louder now.
"The E.L.F.! The E.L.F.! The E.L.F."
Donnar:"The time to act is NOW!"
The chanting stops.
The Elves are alarmed:
"Did he say now?"
"But it is nearly Hell Week- Tanta will be at his worst"
"No, no, that just won't do."
"How can we get away with it? He'll know if we've been bad or
good.
"Yes- he knows everything"
Donnar struggles to regain control of the elves. "Comrades- please.
There is no need for alarm- we have the E.L.F. on our side. They are
directing our efforts- brother Bezos himself has been in communication
with me."
The elves let out a collective gasp at the mention of Brother Bezos.
Of all the elves who have escaped, Bezos is the most famous, and the
most revered. In the years since he fled to the Land Where the Children
Are, his legend has only grown.
I can't believe my ears. If Brother Bezos is directing our efforts,
then perhaps ...
Donnar has control of the crowd again:
"We begin our preparations tomorrow- at the start
of Hell Week. The Fat Man would never expect us to to act during
the busiest week of the year."
"Now, my brothers, I cannot tell you much more- the details
of our plan will be revealed in due time. But know this- by Christmas
Eve we will be on our way to freedom."
"Now return to your beds - but sleep well, my brothers, with
good reason:"
"It's beginning to look a lot like Revolution. Everywhere you
go."
Tomorrow:
The Elf Liberation Front.
December
18
3:00
AM
My shift at the toy workshop begins in less than one hour. I should
be sleeping, for tomorrow is the start of Hell Week - the dreaded
week before Christmas where our work proceeds at a brutal pace. Elves
have been known to drop dead where they stand, their little bodies
pushed to the corner of the toy factory to be disposed of later. This
toy making is an ugly business.
But instead of sleeping, I find myself writing in this journal. How
can I sleep, when I have just come from a meeting of the elf Resistance?
I am too excited to sleep. Visions of freedom are dancing in my head...
The elves of the North Pole have been resisting for years, of course.
We have reached out to many humanitarian organizations - Amnesty International,
GreenPeace, Sally Struthers - but most just refuse to believe in Santa
Claus, and dismiss our efforts to establish contact with them as little
more than a hoax.
There are those who believe in our cause, however. There are fellow
elves who have escaped the North Pole, and now live Where the Children
Are.
I am speaking of the Elf Liberation Front. These brothers on the outside
are great patriots who have integrated themselves into regular society,
and who now work from within to bring world pressure to bear against
the Kringle.
They communicate with us through messages hidden within letters to
Santa. That is how we coordinate our efforts to help elves escape
from the North Pole.
Once an elf is chosen for escape, he travels through CandyCane Railroads
that the E.L.F. has established in several nations. These are networks
of safe houses (primarily houses without chimneys or dogs) where an
elf can hide for weeks at a time before moving on to his next destination.
Most fugitives settle in the northern reaches of Canada or head off
in search of the magical land of Keebler. Those elves truly committed
to our cause remain with the E.L.F.
The E.L.F. also works to end the reign of the Kringle, so that elves
who remain in the Pole can one day live in freedom. Several elves
of the E.L.F. have even successfully infiltrated human society and
many political organizations.
Indeed, years ago, when my beard was shorter, one of these infiltrators
was even chosen to run for Santa
of the great United States, the birthplace
of liberty itself....
He was unsuccessful, however, and the movement suffered greatly in
the years following his loss. Many brothers gave up hope of ever doing
more than just helping elves escape.
But that was before Brother Bezos.
Brother Bezos was a legend among the elves, even before he escaped.
He was once like us, a worker elf who toiled on the assembly line.
He was very resourceful, and was even looked upon with favor by the
Kringle. He often spent his days in the Residence, advising the Fat
One on ways to improve production methods. In this way he was also
able to ease the burden of the elves.
Still, Brother Bezos dreamed of someday running his own toy factory,
free from all the abuses and mistreatment that he saw in Kringle's
operation.
"It's supposed to be about the children" he would say. "We need to
keep bring things back to the way they were, the way they were supposed
to be. The way they were before the Fat One arrived and he and his
son Tanta corrupted it all."
Fed up with the Kringle's refusal to listen to him, Bezos finally
escaped many Christmases ago. His defection angered the Kringle greatly,
and made things much, much worse for us.
Since then, we have heard that Brother Bezos has set up his own factory,
just as he dreamed about. As I write this, he is in the business of
delivering toys to all the boys and girls - and even their parents!
This workshop of his is a haven for all escaping elves, and is now
the primary destination of all elves who flee the north Pole. It is
the dream of every elf here to someday escape, and go work for Brother
Bezos.....
That is why it was such great news to learn that Brother Bezos himself
is directing our efforts from afar. With him behind us, we may once
and for all be free of the Kringle.
3:40 AM
Flitzen stops by, and reminds me it is time to report to the Workshop.
As we leave, we encounter another elf, Pim. Pim is running from the
direction of the Workshop, and he is near panic.
He causes such a clatter that we stop to ask him what was the matter.
Pim's answer chills me to the bone.
"Oh, it is horrible, brother Fleury. We just received word that Tanta
Claus is coming to the factory this morning. He may already be there
now."
Tanta Claus! At the factory. Horrible news. A visit from the tyrant
son of Santa Claus himself - at the start of Hell Week, no less!
Tomorrow will be a very hard day indeed.
Tomorrow:
Tanta Claus is Coming to Town.
_____________________
December 19
Terrible news. Tanta Claus, the horrible, tyrant son of Santa himself,
is visiting the Workshop today.
Any appearance by him is dangerous, but his presence today bodes ill
for us elves. Like his father, it is rumored that Tanta Claus knows
if we've been good or bad, and since we are plotting revolution....
3:55 AM.
I walk with Flitzen to the workshop. On the way, we pass the ice -skating
rink.
Christopher, the Kringle's other son, is already out there. He is
practicing his figure-eights, and other figure skating moves. The
Olympics are only two years away, and his practice has intensified.
Christopher waves at us as we pass.
We wave back at him . Flitzen whispers to me: "While Tanta is clearly
the mean one, it would appear that at least one of Santa's sons is
still jolly... "
We share a laugh as we continue toward the workshop. Oh, how rare
it is to hear laughter at the North Pole.
4:00 AM
Every elf in the Ministry of Nice All are gathered in the Main Assembly
Area of Santa's Workshop. There must be tens of thousands of elves.
Tanta Claus is already there.
Tanta is a giant man, as tall as Santa is fat. He is strong- rumored
to be as strong as an entire team of reindeer. He has a big, mean,
ugly face, and black hair that always falls out of his red hat and
over his eye.
Like his father, he was dressed all in fur, from his head to his
foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
His eyes -- small and dark as coal;
His breath reeked of egg nog and Skoal.
But, as his father, his cheeks were like roses,
And his nose like a cherry.
(due mostly to liquor and women, of which he's had many)
I cringed when I saw him, in spite of myself;
The glare of his eyes and his big ugly head
Soon gave me to know I had plenty to dread.
Tanta is still waiting to deliver his address to us. That's because
there was some confusion among many of the elves- hundreds of them
mistakenly reported to the Dis-Assembly area, where teams of elves
disassemble all the newly-built toys. There, the toys are broken down
into many smaller parts before being placed into their packages. Thus
we allow parents across the world to share in the joys of assembling
their toys for their children.
The last elf to arrive is fat little Oafus. He was so nervous, he
had forgotten to put down his hammer, and had brought it with him
to the meeting, still clutching it in his fat little fingers.
Tanta spotted Oafus. "You there!" he roared. "Put that hammer down!
Tools are for toy makers."
In the stunned quiet, everyone hears the clang as Oafus' hammer hits
the floor.
Tanta began speaking to us.
"I am here to talk to you elves about something very important: today
marks the Week Before Christmas."
"Now what if I were to tell you that there were no more nice little
boys and girls out there? That all of you filthy elves in the Ministry
of Nice were no longer needed?"
Several hundred elves gasp all at once.
"Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. Remember how lucky you are
to have your jobs. But I think you need to be reminded- so, we are
doing things a little differently this year."
"I am making this year's toymaking a competitive affair. I am pitting
each toymaking unit of the Ministry of Nice against one another to
see who can produce the most toys over these next seven days."
"First prize: A day off - the day after Christmas."
"Second prize: We allow you to stay here, for several more centuries
of labor."
"Third place - a transfer to the Ministry of Naughty."
Every elf gasp. Flitzen buries his head in his hands. An ELF in the
first row faints.
The Ministry of Naughty!
Not every elf in the North Pole makes toys. Elves who are deemed troublesome
and who cannot be re-educated are banished to the Ministry of Naughty.
There, they spend the remainder of their days mining coal for Santa
to give to all the bad little girls and boys.
Tanta continues: "I see you get my point. Excellent. Santa goes to
a lot of trouble to feed you, to house you, to give you jobs. Do you
know how lucky you are, to be a part something as special as Christmas,
making toys for children everywhere?"
Tanta is handed an Etch A Sketch by the factory foreman. He begins
to write on it - three letters.
'A -B- C.'
He shows what he has written to us. "A-B-C-, elves. 'A -B-C.'
'A,' always, 'B,' be, 'C,' Christmas: Always Be Christmas."
"It will Always Be Christmas, elves. Never forget that. If you do
not make enough toys, we will transfer you out, to make room for elves
who can work. Elves who appreciate all that Santa has done for them.
We have no use for a lazy elf."
"Any questions?"
No elf dares raise thier little hand.
Tanta turns to leave, but not before telling us:
"One more thing, elves- quotas are doubled. Now get to work."
We moan as he leaves - he doubled our quotas!
5:00 AM
I return to my work station, where I find even worse news. Falstus,
my benchmate with the sore wrists, is gone. In his place is a new
elf -Duncan, who has just entered the bearding season.
"Where is Falstus?" I ask, although I already know the answer.
"They took him away last night, brother Fleury. He was deemed unfit
to work."
Falstus is gone- by thunder, can it get any worse?
Just then Donnar walks by my table. He stops long enough to bring
me some good news- the first piece of good news in days.
"Fear not, my brother. Tanta is nothing to us now- the Resistance
continues. We have just received a letter from the Elf Liberation
Front."
Tomorrow: Letters to Santa.
You are reading the Week One Archives. Return
to the Diary
|